We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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