Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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