woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
