so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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