I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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