This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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