mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
