You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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