I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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