When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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