There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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