So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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