false alarm. still invincible.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
