Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
