It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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