also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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