Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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