I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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