Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
