this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
