Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
