mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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