just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
