Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
