tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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