I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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