She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
