i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
