I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
