I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
