Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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