I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
