OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
