I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
