Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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