There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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