My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
