The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
