i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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