Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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