She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
