If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
