I wish my penis had an off switch
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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