I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
