After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
