You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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