you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
