So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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