did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
