Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
