he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
